Peanut butter, high heels, Dick Dastardly and the great change of life thread...

[Sheepy]

...or, a response to Toots "why can't I be a woman" thread

Feck sake. So its Saturday - DD thinks, 'ok, I'll go do the shopping'. "Get some peanut butter" she says. Because she likes peanut butter on toast - can't stand the stuff me, but hey ho. Gets back, unpacking the stuff, and she holds up the jar of peanut butter and says "whats this?" Peanut butter says DD. "You do know..." she replies "...that anyone who thinks 'smooth' peanut butter is something that should be bought needs taking outside and summarily shooting"? Oh ffs, off she goes. "Been married nearly 30 years and you don't even know blah blah blah". So, its not even 15.05 and I'm 1 nils down already over fecking peanut butter

Anyways, we decide to go into town for a few beers (before they close it down again [roll eyes]). She comes down, as usual, in heels. DD sighing, and knowing this will lead to "my feet hurt" later (no, hers before you start you muppets), and what will happen if there are no taxis. So I says "why don't you wear some more sensible shoes"......... Uh oh. Face palm! I knew as soon as I'd said the word 'sensible' that I was fecked - "What, so I'm some old granny now"?  "You might be nudging it but I'm not" "What, mutton dressed as lamb, is that what you meant?" Why the feck did I say sensible? Oh ffs

Then its that old change of life thing. We all know they go cranky, but most of us have been through the "can't regulate their temperature" routine at 2am - so the covers get kicked off and progressively end up on top of me. Only for her to wake up cold at 4am and snatch them all back, chuntering on like Muttley in Catch the Pigeon "Yashing frashing Dick Dastardly" because you "stole" all the covers

Shoot me someone

Could be worse,she could've asked you to get some pads 
https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/husbands-tears-after-being-humiliated-at-store-for-buying-wife-pads-c-1286603

Wife goes out to see daughter, comes back with shopping bags, which she bumps on the step as a warning I should be out there carrying them, but I didn't know she was going shopping(big mistake) so out I go to help. she says I have been to Asda to get some new bras, because when I got them there the last time they were so comfortable, so I say good thinking, then she says they didn't have any that fit me, so I stay quiet, as I am carrying in the shopping, then she says but I got some cheap tea bags and something else, so I say brilliant lets have a cup of tea, well so you have sat here waiting for me to come back and make you tea, no I have been out with the dog, so you couldn't make yourself a cup of tea. No you are right I said. But I drank lots of that fizzy coke you told me I shouldn't because it rots my brain, so I couldn't make tea because I have truly rotted my brain. Tea duly arrived.

[cromwell]

...or, a response to Toots "why can't I be a woman" thread

Feck sake. So its Saturday - DD thinks, 'ok, I'll go do the shopping'. "Get some peanut butter" she says. Because she likes peanut butter on toast - can't stand the stuff me, but hey ho. Gets back, unpacking the stuff, and she holds up the jar of peanut butter and says "whats this?" Peanut butter says DD. "You do know..." she replies "...that anyone who thinks 'smooth' peanut butter is something that should be bought needs taking outside and summarily shooting"? Oh ffs, off she goes. "Been married nearly 30 years and you don't even know blah blah blah". So, its not even 15.05 and I'm 1 nils down already over fecking peanut butter

Anyways, we decide to go into town for a few beers (before they close it down again [roll eyes]). She comes down, as usual, in heels. DD sighing, and knowing this will lead to "my feet hurt" later (no, hers before you start you muppets), and what will happen if there are no taxis. So I says "why don't you wear some more sensible shoes"......... Uh oh. Face palm! I knew as soon as I'd said the word 'sensible' that I was fecked - "What, so I'm some old granny now"?  "You might be nudging it but I'm not" "What, mutton dressed as lamb, is that what you meant?" Why the feck did I say sensible? Oh ffs

Then its that old change of life thing. We all know they go cranky, but most of us have been through the "can't regulate their temperature" routine at 2am - so the covers get kicked off and progressively end up on top of me. Only for her to wake up cold at 4am and snatch them all back, chuntering on like Muttley in Catch the Pigeon "Yashing frashing Dick Dastardly" because you "stole" all the covers

Shoot me someone

Could be worse,she could've asked you to get some pads 
https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/husbands-tears-after-being-humiliated-at-store-for-buying-wife-pads-c-1286603

[Barry]

Until Nov 13th you might have to get comfortable on egg shells, although at the same time she may have to watch her Ps  & Qs while you also suffer temper disruption. Enjoy!

Two months might as well be 200 years when you're in DDs predicament.
I recommend 2 months hibernation.

[papasmurf]

Shoot me someone

This may amuse, (beware American red neck comedian,) The anatomy of a (Married) Females Brain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVY9opi9jMI

[DeppityDawg]

Oh you poor boy! You sound as if you have it ok, at least she is talking to you and still going on a date night. Remember my thread on retrograde Mars? Until Nov 13th you might have to get comfortable on egg shells, although at the same time she may have to watch her Ps  & Qs while you also suffer temper disruption. Enjoy!

We went to a wife swapping party once. But no one had a Kawasaki Z1R unfortunately.

[T00ts]

...or, a response to Toots "why can't I be a woman" thread

Feck sake. So its Saturday - DD thinks, 'ok, I'll go do the shopping'. "Get some peanut butter" she says. Because she likes peanut butter on toast - can't stand the stuff me, but hey ho. Gets back, unpacking the stuff, and she holds up the jar of peanut butter and says "whats this?" Peanut butter says DD. "You do know..." she replies "...that anyone who thinks 'smooth' peanut butter is something that should be bought needs taking outside and summarily shooting"? Oh ffs, off she goes. "Been married nearly 30 years and you don't even know blah blah blah". So, its not even 15.05 and I'm 1 nils down already over fecking peanut butter

Anyways, we decide to go into town for a few beers (before they close it down again [roll eyes]). She comes down, as usual, in heels. DD sighing, and knowing this will lead to "my feet hurt" later (no, hers before you start you muppets), and what will happen if there are no taxis. So I says "why don't you wear some more sensible shoes"......... Uh oh. Face palm! I knew as soon as I'd said the word 'sensible' that I was fecked - "What, so I'm some old granny now"?  "You might be nudging it but I'm not" "What, mutton dressed as lamb, is that what you meant?" Why the feck did I say sensible? Oh ffs

Then its that old change of life thing. We all know they go cranky, but most of us have been through the "can't regulate their temperature" routine at 2am - so the covers get kicked off and progressively end up on top of me. Only for her to wake up cold at 4am and snatch them all back, chuntering on like Muttley in Catch the Pigeon "Yashing frashing Dick Dastardly" because you "stole" all the covers

Shoot me someone

,

Oh you poor boy! You sound as if you have it ok, at least she is talking to you and still going on a date night. Remember my thread on retrograde Mars? Until Nov 13th you might have to get comfortable on egg shells, although at the same time she may have to watch her Ps  & Qs while you also suffer temper disruption. Enjoy!

[DeppityDawg]

...or, a response to Toots "why can't I be a woman" thread

Feck sake. So its Saturday - DD thinks, 'ok, I'll go do the shopping'. "Get some peanut butter" she says. Because she likes peanut butter on toast - cant stand the stuff me, but hey ho. Gets back, unpacking the stuff, and she holds up the jar of peanut butter and says "whats this?" Peanut butter says DD. "You do know..." she replies "...that anyone who thinks 'smooth' peanut butter is something that should be bought needs taking outside and summarily shooting"? Oh ffs, off she goes. "Been married nearly 30 years and you don't even know blah blah blah". So, its not even 15.05 and I'm 1 nils down already over fecking peanut butter

Anyways, we decide to go into town for a few beers (before they close it down again [roll eyes]). She comes down, as usual, in heels. DD sighing, and knowing this will lead to "my feet hurt" later (no, hers before you start you muppets), and what will happen if there are no taxis. So I says "why don't you wear some more sensible shoes"......... Uh oh. Face palm! I knew as soon as I'd said the word 'sensible' that I was fecked - "What, so I'm some old granny now"?  "You might be nudging it but I'm not" "What, mutton dressed as lamb, is that what you meant?" Why the feck did I say sensible? Oh ffs

Then its that old change of life thing. We all know they go cranky, but most of us have been through the "can't regulate their temperature" routine at 2am - so the covers get kicked off and progressively end up on top of me. Only for her to wake up cold at 4am and snatch them all back, chuntering on like Muttley in Catch the Pigeon "Yashing frashing Dick Dastardly" because you "stole" all the covers

Shoot me someone