'Essex girl' removed from dictionary following campaign

[johnofgwent]

Ah, fond memories of Chelmsford.

Every Tuedsay night the pub "The Orange Tree" in a side street off London Road would have an open mic night. With free food (buffet) to any who performed and were not booed off (or worse).

A motley group of musicians whose style and repertoire seemed somewhere between Steeleye Span and Lindisfarne were regular stand ups and on more than one occasion I, and my rather more musically gifted co-worker namesake, were guest artists with them..
We must have been at least passable, as we always got to eat.

I was surprised to learn an accordion has two sets of musical reeds, one that operate as you push, and another as you pull, and they do not play the same notes !!

ANYWAY.

After a snack buffet and a couple of pints John and I would often wander into town to a kebab house where we were one of the few who had the "whole chunks of something identifiable, flash grilled while we wait" kebabs rather than the "slice me something off the rotating ... whatever that is" crowd.


On one occasion, three customers rocked up while we were waiting for one of the staff to finish setting fire to what we had ordered. A woman uglier than Duffy, and with a voice to match, pure concrete, with a range of metal wall studs in her face with chains dangling down.

Accompanied by two blokes in beige suts who i swear to god were the spitting image of tweedledum and tweedledee, but close shaved to the point of baldness, each with a condom prominently stretched over their heads as far fown as the eyebrows and similar round the back.......
Thee men were silent.

The woman uttered two sentences
"Three Lamb Doners Please" whe she came in 
... and two minutes later, after silently handing over the money and not a thank you to be heard, she walked past John and Me as she and her two lubricated companions exited the shop. As she did so, she looked right at us and said ...
"You Two are wierd"

...
About a month later, and as we prepared to go out for what had become a regular Tuesday Night singalong and drinkalot whether performing and fed for free or not, some lads about half our ages, staying at our large B&B establishment with what we guessed were their parents or relatives with whom they were doing building work at a factory site, left with us. Declaring they were going for a bit of clubbing.I thought it strange that fur seals came this far south, but i said little. We parted company at the side road for the pub and I wished them good hunting.
We spent our usual couple of hours at the open mic night, and as last orders were called, made our exit for the kebab house.
As we walked down London Road towards the town centre, we saw most of the lads coming back.  As we passed I remarked on their earlier claim to be going clubbing. "Yeah" they said "we gave up trying to get in, we couldn't find women to go in with"

I found that hard to believe given both john and i had to spend significant effort beating off ladies both amatrur and professional with shitty sticks every time we hot a pub - and the wedding rings were no help whatsoever, indeed it seemed to encourage most ...
Ah well. Another reality fallen victim to the woke left

[Streetwalker]

Well in memory of Essex girl .


How do you make an Essex girl laugh when you take her out on Saturday night ?

Phone her up on Tuesday and tell her a joke .


Anyway Essex girl is involved in a car crash and there is blood everywhere . The medics soon arrive ...''Im just checking you over miss , do you know where your bleeding from ?''
''Im from bleeding Basildon mate ''

Whats the first thing Essex girl does in the morning ? Introduces herself and takes everyone's number

[cromwell]

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/dec/05/essex-girl-removed-from-dictionary-following-campaign 

So no more jokes about why do Essex girls wear furry knickers

Quite right too,living oop north owning pigeons wearing a cloth cap and clogs and dining exclusively at the choppy and living in some squalid terraced house does not make me stupid.

So Borky you need to return to that other thread and remove the slander and slur that coronation st is boring..
Surely you mean eastenders

[Borchester]

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/dec/05/essex-girl-removed-from-dictionary-following-campaign 

So no more jokes about why do Essex girls wear furry knickers