The lonely hearts club

[Thomas]

My best mate, Dave passed away yesterday so I went to see his wife today.

I said, "Look on the bright side, at least he's not suffering anymore."

She said, "He wasn't ill, he died all of a sudden."

I said, "I know, I meant being married to you."

[Thomas]

Just a reminder gents if your looking for love of what the ads in the paper really mean



Adventurous = Slut

Athletic = No tits

30 something = 41

Slim = no tits

Fun = annoying

Wild =gets pissed easy

Beautiful eyes =face like a robbers dog

Seeks knight in shinning armour = ex is a fecking nutter

New age =hairy with a smelly fanny, doesn't own a bra  

Headstrong =argumentative

Enjoys pubs = alcoholic

Likes clubs = secret alcoholic

Curvy =fat bastard

Cuddly =fat bastard

Likes eating out = greedy fat bastard

Likes cozy nights in =lazy fat bastard

May lead to more = how much money have you got . :roll:

FFS streetwalker , thats an auld yin mate. I remember posting that on the auld forum years ago and uganda saying it was old then! ::











While in China, a man is sexually promiscuous and does very not use a condom all the time he is there.



A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his thingy covered with

bright green and purple spots.



Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,

orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of

days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very

rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it. '



The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc. "



The doctor answers, 'I' m sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your thingy. '



The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion. "



The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice. "



The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring he'll did know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his thingy and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease. "



The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American

doctor wants to operate and amputate my thingy! '



The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate.

Make more money dat way. No need to amputate! '



Oh, Thank God! ' the man replies.



'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself! '

[Streetwalker]

Just a reminder gents if your looking for love of what the ads in the paper really mean



Adventurous = Slut

Athletic = No tits

30 something = 41

Slim = no tits

Fun = annoying

Wild =gets pissed easy

Beautiful eyes =face like a robbers dog

Seeks knight in shinning armour = ex is a fecking nutter

New age =hairy with a smelly fanny, doesn't own a bra  

Headstrong =argumentative

Enjoys pubs = alcoholic

Likes clubs = secret alcoholic

Curvy =fat bastard

Cuddly =fat bastard

Likes eating out = greedy fat bastard

Likes cozy nights in =lazy fat bastard

May lead to more = how much money have you got . :roll: