Rob Roy, General Borchester and the Great Sedition thread….

[Streetwalker]

I've got you down as Wayne the brickie anyway. Definitely one of Borchesters "royalists".



Where is the daft auld tw*t anyway?

Wayne was a chippie but yes not far off the mark and if I dont get to a barbers soon I will be doing an impersonation of his grandfather .



 As one of Borky's loyal advisors Im telling him to keep right at junction 19 give Manchester a swerve and carry on straight to Edinburgh .  By the time Rob Roy has got wind of it we will have Jimmy Crankie swinging from the Forth Bridge

[DeppityDawg]

Look if it don't effect London Im not interested  :dsh:

I've got you down as Wayne the brickie anyway. Definitely one of Borchesters "royalists".



Where is the daft auld tw*t anyway?

[Streetwalker]

Look if it don't effect London Im not interested  :dsh:

[DeppityDawg]

Imagine the scenario if you will? Its 2024, and Boris Johnsons bumbling Brexit government is nearing the end of its catastrophic term. Coronavirius has killed virtually everyone (well, 0.1% of the population at least) the country is still locked down, and no one will go back to work in case there are any more than 3 excess deaths recorded this month. Common sense has been banned, and no one is allowed to question anything unless they have a 264 page dossier of ruthlessly crunched numbers proving exactly how many atoms there are in a Rice Krispy. The economy has ceased to exist, largely replaced by a barter and exchange system based on old washers and Dire Straits CDs. Unemployment has become immeasurable and poverty has returned on a massive scale. In common with most western style economies, government debt has become insupportable, bonds have become worthless, meaning no one either can or will buy them and effectively prohibiting imaginary money being printed, deflation has killed any chance of recovery and the government can no longer afford to fund even essential public service except the Police to keep them safe from attack by a disgruntled population. The pound is worth seven tenths of feck all and most Local authorities are bankrupt so everything from disposing of waste to care for the elderly has become the peoples own responsibility. Whole industries have disappeared, from car manufacturers to the travel industry, already crippled by "green" legislation and over capacity, they couldn't even have survived a small downturn for long. The only people who can afford transport or travel are those with wealth, who need it in any case to fund private security against the largely anarchist nature of most of society.



North of the border, Nicholas Sturgeon, a seditious post op transvestite leading the Scottish Nationalists, constantly denied a legal second referendum, has invoked a popular vote anyway which has come back at 75% in favour of Independence. Seizing the opportunity, well known rabble rouser with rock star good looks and a penchant for English wimmin, "Rob Roy" Thomas, raises a rabble Army of Jocks and other various malcontents and any treacherous English liberal tosspots who will join him, and marches south for a clash with the auld enemy.



The British Army, indulging its current obsession with the Rainbow Alliance flag to want anything to do with fighting a proper war anymore, and too busy choosing new frocks and high heels for the battalion ball on Friday, are unable to intervene. Only 1 of the RAFs 3 planes is serviceable, and that is being used by Air Commodore Bigly-Smythe to ferry his kids to private school, so they can't do anything either. The Navy, its entire budget spent on two aircraft carriers, haven't got any money left to buy any planes for them, and in any case, some daft cnut got one of them stuck on a sandbank trying to do a U turn in Portsmouth Harbour after forgetting to combat load the Pimms



With the Geordies and Mackems still too busy fighting with each other over who has the worst football team in the North East to confront Rob Roys Army, it seems the rebel march will be unimpeded, Scotland will take Parliament, and we'll all have to accept Jock rule and survive on a diet of deep fried mars bars. Nevertheless, in London, and facing a severe shortage of Ericaceous compost at B&Q, the English Middle classes are stung into action, and, led by a crusty old former tax inspector, boating lake rowing boat captain and well known forum raconteur, General Borchester, an army of former city traders, brickies, hairdressers, old tories, brexiters, market capitalists and Kate Bush style Empire dreamers sets off north up the M1 to confront the treacherous Scots and their lap dog English allies.



Meanwhile, just south of Carlisle, and having sacked the city and drunk all its off licences dry the previous evening, the Scottish Seditionists led by our hero Rob Roy, sets off south down the M6. From the speed and trajectory of the opposing armies, it seems clear they will meet just outside Manchester, and a mighty clash that will decide the future of this country seems inevitable.



Ladyblokes and Gentleladies, its time to choose your side – will you join Borchester and his decrepit old Tories and save the Union, leave the EU and stick it up the dirty traitors? Or will you join Rob Roy and his vengeful army of pissed up Jocks intent on making sure the Scottish Flag flies over Westminster and that Brechin and Alloa play in the Premier League?



Let battle commence.



Note: This is a DD Productions thread meant as a laugh – could certain posters PLEASE try not take it too seriously for feck sake.



Feck me, I'm too good for this place  ::  ::  ::