Lost Amazonian Tribe Discovered in IKEA

[Borg Refinery]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2020/06/08/lost-amazonian-tribe-discovered-living-in-ikea/

A tribe last spotted in the Amazon rainforest more than half a century ago have been discovered living in the soft furnishings department of an IKEA store.

The Himarima tribe had not been seen for over fifty years, until they were found in the Milton Keynes branch of IKEA on Saturday, after a customer was threatened with a rudimentary spear constructed from a saucepan set and a table lamp.

"After no sightings for so long it was thought the Himarima may have died out following conflicts with logging companies and other tribes." said Thomas Henderson, of Survival International.

"But it now appears they were accidentally shipped from the Amazon rainforest to an IKEA distribution centre, along with a consignment of Brazilian hardwood and incomprehensible instructions."

It is believed the Himarima have been living there for several years, surviving on a diet of meatballs and Daim cake and remaining undetected among all of the room sets and general mayhem of an IKEA.

With the store being closed due to coronavirus restrictions they had started venturing out from their hiding places and became complacent, before being caught unawares by hundreds of people who had inexplicably queued for hours to buy lampshades as lockdown was eased.

"We received a complaint from a customer who said one of our staff members was being even more unhelpful than usual." said Jason Green, store manager.

"The gentleman in question didn't speak any language that we could recognise, but that isn't entirely unusual for our staff. What gave it away that he wasn't one of our workers was the fact he wasn't wearing IKEA uniform. Or anything else for that matter."