I am a poor, broken down pensioner living on

[patman post]

The idea came from a bloke who brought two sheep to graze on his in Cardiff to get the grass down when dad had one in the same block about 1971.

He was ruled a little unpopular (as in, they chased him off with pitchforks, well, gardening forks and pickaxe handles) after the sheep started grazing on everybody else's

A neighbour uses rabbits — he has a Toblerone shapped structure (approx 60x60x60 and 2m long) covered in chicken wire, which he shifts around his patch every couple of days. Keeps his grass short and annoys the local foxes...

[patman post]

So I said yeah, fine, but I could not help thinking that he is a foreigner and a cook and I don't care how many times he asks me to come over for a meal, I ain't going to go.

Many countries in Europe eat snails, but I've only heard of Belgians eating slugs. So you may only need to worry if your fellow allotmentist is Belgian...

[johnofgwent]

And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

Can you not get some sort of farming subsidy to graze animals on it ?

Mmh. I suppose that technically speaking Madam and I count as the animals and our pensions count as the subsidy.

Still, I like your ideas John, keep them coming 

The idea came from a bloke who brought two sheep to graze on his in Cardiff to get the grass down when dad had one in the same block about 1971. 

He was ruled a little unpopular (as in, they chased him off with pitchforks, well, gardening forks and pickaxe handles) after the sheep started grazing on everybody else's

[Borchester]

And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

You could try snails. Good protein and easy if long winded to prepare. And there's plenty around if your allotment is like our garden. Better make sure they're British garden snails, though. The foreign immigrant Roman snails have become a protected species, and you risk prosecution for simply upsetting them. Still, as a straight British While male, you'd probably claim you're used to that scenario...

Funny you should say that.

I put down bowls of water and yeast which usually results in mounds of slugs who have either drowned or drunk themselves to death. Normally they just sit there until I get around to throwing them on the compost, but the other day another plot holder asked if he could have some for own anti slug defences. Apparently he was going to boil them up and use them in some disgusting fashion. So I said yeah, fine, but I could not help thinking that he is a foreigner and a cook and I don't care how many times he asks me to come over for a meal, I ain't going to go.

[Borchester]

But for all the above, I have just had a call from my daughter telling me that I am the bestest dad who ever was, which is code for the grandchildren's school fees are due. And I still paying the mortgage and other bills on the Rural Slum. And Madam wants a holiday on the South Coast.

My wife and I followed the instruction:-

Each to his own. We have two and would have been happy with a dozen, but it did not happened.

Funny business kids. They run you ragged and cost a fortune, but are strangely addictive

[patman post]

And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

You could try snails. Good protein and easy if long winded to prepare. And there's plenty around if your allotment is like our garden. Better make sure they're British garden snails, though. The foreign immigrant Roman snails have become a protected species, and you risk prosecution for simply upsetting them. Still, as a straight British While male, you'd probably claim you're used to that scenario...

[papasmurf]

But for all the above, I have just had a call from my daughter telling me that I am the bestest dad who ever was, which is code for the grandchildren's school fees are due. And I still paying the mortgage and other bills on the Rural Slum. And Madam wants a holiday on the South Coast.

My wife and I followed the instruction:-

[Borchester]

And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

Can you not get some sort of farming subsidy to graze animals on it ?

Mmh. I suppose that technically speaking Madam and I count as the animals and our pensions count as the subsidy.

Still, I like your ideas John, keep them coming 

[johnofgwent]

And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

Can you not get some sort of farming subsidy to graze animals on it ?

[Borchester]

my wits and a couple of pensions, all of which are totally inadequate.

But somehow I am saving money. I have to admit that I don't spend much. Madam and I's idea of a wild time is to go down to one of the local cafes and see who can eat the most chocolate mousse cake or schlep down to the Royal Academy of Arts  where we do the same thing and put sod all in the collection box. And we are practically vegan, not from choice so much as my inability to grow beef steaks on my allotment.

But for all the above, I have just had a call from my daughter telling me that I am the bestest dad who ever was, which is code for the grandchildren's school fees are due. And I still paying the mortgage and other bills on the Rural Slum. And Madam wants a holiday on the South Coast.

But every month I look at the current account and it holds a couple of hundred quid more than I expect.

Strange business.