Re: off topic battle thread

[Cor Blimey!]

Rent-a-gag!!!

I'm off before I get myself banned.

[Thomas]

You have the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in the history of the internet, Ned.

[Cor Blimey!]

That's about the measure of it. Most of us could just about manage a join the dots puzzle 

Can I have one on sport now please?

You're a real winner! We'll just give the prize straight to you. No need to ask any questions.

[DeppityDawg]

No, my question is: why were YOU there? Your judiciary used to give convicted criminals the option of prison or joining the army. So, again, my question is: why were YOU there? Were you such a winner that your only prospect was to join an organization whose numbers could only be filled by co-opting criminals?

That's about the measure of it. Most of us could just about manage a join the dots puzzle 

Can I have one on sport now please?

[Cor Blimey!]

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked:-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 English men and 1 English woman

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

You have the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in the history of the internet, Ned.

[DeppityDawg]

What were you doing in Seamus' country in the first place?

Well, I asked if I could go to Ibiza instead, mate, but the answer wasn't very polite   

[Thomas]

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked:-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 English men and 1 English woman

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

[Cor Blimey!]

Seamus's cortina story reminds of a cortina...well, it wasn't a cortina exactly, it was a sierra, but the point stands. TVCP, other side of Mazetown. Usual routine, ID, index no, search etc. It went something like this

"Your car?"

"Aye"

"And the propane bottles in the boot...they yours too?"

"Tow a caravan, so I do"

"Without a tow bar?"

"I took it off"

"But not the bottles?"

"I don't know nothing about them"

"But its your car?"

"Its not my car"

"But you just said it was your car?"

"Its my brothers car"

"Right....so they are your brothers gas bottles?"

Pause

"Aye...he doesn't know nothing about them neither..."

What were you doing in Seamus' country in the first place?

[DeppityDawg]

Watch oot deppity!

Gazas outside waiting on ye wae a connect four and a packet of ham.

Seamus's cortina story reminds of a cortina...well, it wasn't a cortina exactly, it was a sierra, but the point stands. TVCP, other side of Mazetown. Usual routine, ID, index no, search etc. It went something like this

"Your car?"

"Aye"

"And the propane bottles in the boot...they yours too?"

"Tow a caravan, so I do"

"Without a tow bar?"

"I took it off"

"But not the bottles?"

"I don't know nothing about them"

"But its your car?"

"Its not my car"

"But you just said it was your car?"

"Its my brothers car"

"Right....so they are your brothers gas bottles?"

Pause

"Aye...he doesn't know nothing about them neither..."

[Cor Blimey!]

Just read your signature , funny enough i was watching a bit of frankie earlier on . Laughed like feck when he said to a guy in the audience yer ex wifes pussy has seen mair action than helmand province.

Frankie's a force of nature.

[Thomas]

Cheers!

Just read your signature , funny enough i was watching a bit of frankie earlier on . Laughed like feck when he said to a guy in the audience yer ex wifes pussy has seen mair action than helmand province.

[Cor Blimey!]

batter in.

Cheers!

[Thomas]

Gives me a chance to practice my typing.

batter in.

[Cor Blimey!]

I dont disagree with your point , but to be honest nae can't is interested pal. A think coronavirus has stolen the wind from your sail to be honest.

Gives me a chance to practice my typing.

[Thomas]

This is the noblest kind of patriotism:

We shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.


This is the worst kind of terrorism:

We shall defend Ireland, whatever the cost may be, we'll fight 'em on the duh beaches, we'll fight 'em on duh landing grounds; we'll fight in duh fields and in the duh streets, we'll fight 'em in the hills; Ireland will  never surrender.

I dont disagree with your point , but to be honest nae cant is interested pal. A think coronavirus has stolen the wind from your sail to be honest.