The New Normal...or Nalaars dream... :)

[johnofgwent]

All the auld blokes who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect left, have been exiled to a kind of 'Toxic' Banlouie in North Wales, where they indulge themselves in absurdly competitive sports like "drinking to oblivion", medieval jousting on mobility scooters ....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCN6AMQLwpo

[DeppityDawg]

You been reading Franky Boyles Autobiography again?

Sampanski reckoned I should move to his spiritual homeland, the "CCCP". Da Comrade? I think he means that if Greta had been born in Putin's "Russia", her and her parents would have been inside a concrete Motorway support by now 

[Nick]

Don't tempt me Sampanski...is that offer you made for me to go and live in your mates Dacha outside Minsk still open, comrade?

You been reading Franky Boyles Autobiography again?

[DeppityDawg]

You forgot children DD as; as any fool will know, Children intuitively have all the answers to the worlds pressing problems and we should listen to them uncritically.
I mean have you forgotten how Greta saved the planet single handedly? and she is a girl who definitely knows how not to enjoy herself.

Don't tempt me Sampanski...is that offer you made for me to go and live in your mates Dacha outside Minsk still open, comrade?

[Sampanviking]

You forgot children DD as; as any fool will know, Children intuitively have all the answers to the worlds pressing problems and we should listen to them uncritically.
I mean have you forgotten how Greta saved the planet single handedly? and she is a girl who definitely knows how not to enjoy herself.

[DeppityDawg]

But will the women still have big tits?

Good work, Borchester, mate. Never mind the detail, get straight to the point. Spoken like a proper bloke. I'm so proud of you 

Anyway....have to go....the 1 i/c has some....ahem....jobs that need doing 

[DeppityDawg]

A phone call to his better half suggesting some sort of restraint might work

I daren't do that. She enjoys a bit of "restraint", and she thinks I enjoy "obliging" her. Well, in a way I guess I do, but only because tying her to the bed keeps her and her credit card out of the fecking Metro Centre       

[Borchester]

I've got to use up all these holidays I couldn't take during the year when you lot were all on lockdown, and now I've too much fecking time on my hands. I think I'm turning into a kind of small, irritating garden gnome type poster....help me someone! And, I couldn't sleep last night. Which happens a lot, so I was amusing myself thinking of some of the threads on here, among other things. Its been an interesting week!

So, I was thinking about the "new normal", prompted by some of our star liberal, Nalaar's comments in some of the threads. So here goes...the new normal...

In this new normal, the world has entered a new 'woke' phase of utopia. Or more accurately, every millennial tossers wet dominatrix dream, where all the blokes are now wearing dresses and painting their nails, and the women now do everything else. Like working full time, having babies while they manage the world economy, solve the Bosnian refugee crises on their lunchbreaks, and stop world wars at get togethers over coffee and blueberry muffins at Jackie's

All the auld blokes who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect left, have been exiled to a kind of 'Toxic' Banlouie in North Wales, where they indulge themselves in absurdly competitive sports like "drinking to oblivion", medieval jousting on mobility scooters and jumping off the side of high cliffs with primitive hang gliders made out of zimmer frames and an old bed sheet. Consequently, the mortality rate is quite high, but as men are now about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, no one seems to mind

Everyone now has to wear a mask when they go out in case they catch a nasty cough, and the pubs have been banned from serving alcohol in case people have any fun, while playing music is not allowed either in case anyone is offended by the lyrics. Back in Manchester, Cromwell's heat pump keeps breaking down, and he has to call Toots out every other day to come and mend it for him. Toots is a bit pissed about this, not just because its interrupting her job designing and building the new Oxford-Timbuktoo Motorway, but also because she thinks Cromwells Tutu looks better then hers. Still, he makes her a nice cup of tea while she brays the feck out of the pump with a lump hammer and a blunt screwdriver, which as every mechanic knows, is the only way to fix anything.

The government announces a new lockdown about every Friday, and the authorities have to keep reminding everyone not to call the Police because there is a spider in the bath. London has turned into the "Peoples Republic of Kazakisjackispakistan", and anyone who dares smoke a tab or say the word "prophet" is summarily executed in the street. Men meanwhile, kicked up hill and down dale by their new mistresses are getting a bit fed up and invent a new movement called "menism", which holds that, basically, all women are complete ****s and that men are the new "oppressed". This isn't made any better by their constant complaints in tv shows like "loose men" that they have to shave their legs and wear leather shorts to get their lass off, while she just rolls over, farts and goes to sleep. Back in North Wales meanwhile, there is a new  "sex tourism" of women, fed up with having to do everything and wanting to be the softer sex again, (because actually, many of them start to realise, it wasn't that bad after all) cruising around trying to pick up a bit of rough – which is good news for Borchester, because it means even that daft auld tw*t can score

Technology now does everything, from driving cars to boiling eggs, because lets face it, by now men haven't got a fecking clue how to do either, and women are too busy running the world and plotting how to get their dresses back, while often not talking to each other for weeks on end over the most trivial matters. By now though, because everyone is a victim, the world has run out of "oppressors", so some new ones have to be thought up, because everything is now so fecked up everyone is blaming each other

So, there you have it. A glimpse of the New Normal. I'd like to say more, but I need to finish my hang glider.

I know, I know. I should have my own thread. Later

But will the women still have big tits?

[T00ts]

Well ain't that always the way, the bloke admits he is going stir crazy and the women immediately threaten him with a lump hammer. Or worse.

Only for medicinal purposes!

[Sheepy]

Perhaps a cold compress pressed to the fevered brow would help while we wait for the men in white coats. A phone call to his better half suggesting some sort of restraint might work or possibly his own cure-all a lump hammer (only an 8lb er) applied to a part of his physique solely for the purpose of giving him something else to moan about.

DD don't worry too much about women's lib. I actually agree with you that it has gone too far. Women were much more effective when they were subtle, now that so many have joined the laddette's club we can only compete directly. A gentler age would suit me as long as men would appreciate a woman's talents that didn't only involve two rooms in the house. I have always been a lady but my workshop developed over decades has given me much joy and been my respite from a demanding career. It's not a measure of my 'manhood' or competitive with men. I enjoy a sewing machine as much as a chop saw and baking as much as building. There are many women like me. I still love a man to open the door for me.

It seems that many are losing their minds. Fear does that to people.

Well ain't that always the way, the bloke admits he is going stir crazy and the women immediately threaten him with a lump hammer. Or worse.

[T00ts]

                 

Women will never rule the world. If they are anything like our lass, it will take them so long to decide what to wear and get ready, the fecking press conferences will always be over     

So was my response! Wrong again DD women have always ruled the world, men just don't realise it.   

[DeppityDawg]

It seems that many are losing their minds. Fear does that to people.

It was supposed to be satire, Tootsie baby!

Women will never rule the world. If they are anything like our lass, it will take them so long to decide what to wear and get ready, the fecking press conferences will always be over     

[T00ts]

Perhaps a cold compress pressed to the fevered brow would help while we wait for the men in white coats. A phone call to his better half suggesting some sort of restraint might work or possibly his own cure-all a lump hammer (only an 8lb er) applied to a part of his physique solely for the purpose of giving him something else to moan about.

DD don't worry too much about women's lib. I actually agree with you that it has gone too far. Women were much more effective when they were subtle, now that so many have joined the laddette's club we can only compete directly. A gentler age would suit me as long as men would appreciate a woman's talents that didn't only involve two rooms in the house. I have always been a lady but my workshop developed over decades has given me much joy and been my respite from a demanding career. It's not a measure of my 'manhood' or competitive with men. I enjoy a sewing machine as much as a chop saw and baking as much as building. There are many women like me. I still love a man to open the door for me.

It seems that many are losing their minds. Fear does that to people.

[cromwell]

Gone lockdown crazy   

[DeppityDawg]

I've got to use up all these holidays I couldn't take during the year when you lot were all on lockdown, and now I've too much fecking time on my hands. I think I'm turning into a kind of small, irritating garden gnome type poster....help me someone! And, I couldn't sleep last night. Which happens a lot, so I was amusing myself thinking of some of the threads on here, among other things. Its been an interesting week!

So, I was thinking about the "new normal", prompted by some of our star liberal, Nalaar's comments in some of the threads. So here goes...the new normal...

In this new normal, the world has entered a new 'woke' phase of utopia. Or more accurately, every millennial tossers wet dominatrix dream, where all the blokes are now wearing dresses and painting their nails, and the women now do everything else. Like working full time, having babies while they manage the world economy, solve the Bosnian refugee crises on their lunchbreaks, and stop world wars at get togethers over coffee and blueberry muffins at Jackie's

All the auld blokes who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect left, have been exiled to a kind of 'Toxic' Banlouie in North Wales, where they indulge themselves in absurdly competitive sports like "drinking to oblivion", medieval jousting on mobility scooters and jumping off the side of high cliffs with primitive hang gliders made out of zimmer frames and an old bed sheet. Consequently, the mortality rate is quite high, but as men are now about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, no one seems to mind

Everyone now has to wear a mask when they go out in case they catch a nasty cough, and the pubs have been banned from serving alcohol in case people have any fun, while playing music is not allowed either in case anyone is offended by the lyrics. Back in Manchester, Cromwell's heat pump keeps breaking down, and he has to call Toots out every other day to come and mend it for him. Toots is a bit pissed about this, not just because its interrupting her job designing and building the new Oxford-Timbuktoo Motorway, but also because she thinks Cromwells Tutu looks better then hers. Still, he makes her a nice cup of tea while she brays the feck out of the pump with a lump hammer and a blunt screwdriver, which as every mechanic knows, is the only way to fix anything.

The government announces a new lockdown about every Friday, and the authorities have to keep reminding everyone not to call the Police because there is a spider in the bath. London has turned into the "Peoples Republic of Kazakisjackispakistan", and anyone who dares smoke a tab or say the word "prophet" is summarily executed in the street. Men meanwhile, kicked up hill and down dale by their new mistresses are getting a bit fed up and invent a new movement called "menism", which holds that, basically, all women are complete ****s and that men are the new "oppressed". This isn't made any better by their constant complaints in tv shows like "loose men" that they have to shave their legs and wear leather shorts to get their lass off, while she just rolls over, farts and goes to sleep. Back in North Wales meanwhile, there is a new  "sex tourism" of women, fed up with having to do everything and wanting to be the softer sex again, (because actually, many of them start to realise, it wasn't that bad after all) cruising around trying to pick up a bit of rough – which is good news for Borchester, because it means even that daft auld tw*t can score

Technology now does everything, from driving cars to boiling eggs, because lets face it, by now men haven't got a fecking clue how to do either, and women are too busy running the world and plotting how to get their dresses back, while often not talking to each other for weeks on end over the most trivial matters. By now though, because everyone is a victim, the world has run out of "oppressors", so some new ones have to be thought up, because everything is now so fecked up everyone is blaming each other

So, there you have it. A glimpse of the New Normal. I'd like to say more, but I need to finish my hang glider.

I know, I know. I should have my own thread. Later