Political jokes

[Barry]

On a sunny day in January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The old man said, "OK", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump."
The Marine repeated, "Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the old man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump."
The Marine, understandably irritated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you've been here asking to speak to Trump. I've told you each time that he's no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you get it?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love to hear it."

The Marine snapped to attention and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

[Borg Refinery]

@DeppityDawg @Thomas



https://twitter.com/rising_serpent/status/1332110405846626305?s=19

..one for the kids when they're being a pain? 

[DeppityDawg]

This was you wasn't it in the Sedgefield chronicle?

No...I think its probably been taken at some Tory Party donors event though.

[Borg Refinery]

Actually, I'm waiting for Toots opinion. I can't decide between this little racy black number with the back split, and this more demure, flowing floral one. I'm unsure whether the hairy legs and regimental tattoos add to the arrangement or not? I need a Lady's eye, not a pair of fecking neanderthals like youse two. I mean, a Sheep and a Pinko Commie. What the feck would you two know about the finer points of feminine couture?

This was you wasn't it in the Sedgefield chronicle?

[Borg Refinery]

"The majority of frogs in most areas of the United States are now gay," Alex Jones (2017).

(Maybe he means the French?)

Conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven. God says, ask me anything

"Who killed JFK?"

God replies "Lee Harvey Oswalt shot Kennedy with his own Carcano rifle. He acted alone".

"This goes even higher than I thought!"



I got knocked off my bike last night by a lunatic driving a salt lorry through deep snow. You complete idiotic moron I shouted..
..Through gritted teeth.


Walking past a lunatic asylum, I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,

An old man was driving along the highway...
...when a traffic emergency came on the radio.

"Attention all drivers on Highway 11, there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road!"

The old man muttered to himself; "A lunatic? More like hundreds!"


I was watching Trump the other day with my son.

I put my hand on my shoulder and said "Son, once in every generation a man comes to the fore who stands up for his fellow citizens against the foreign lunatics of this world. Get the gun, we're going to America!"

[Borg Refinery]

What did the sheep want to do?
To wool the world.

What do you call an old sheep?
Pasture prime!

What do you call an insane sheep who believes in conspiracies and that people are following him around?

A close shave with shepherd dogs.

Anyway I accept your surrender mate. Be sure to wear your best for him.

[Borg Refinery]

Well we already know you think everybody is shit who doesn't bend to your will and that you think all old scrotes are c^^ts

Careful, you just insulted yourself there.

and Biden should be locked up for insanity or at the very least for being old, plus a few other things. While you are dealing with all the shits around you.

You have been dealt with already, several times.

But you mean I've got it in for every can't? You only just worked that out?

Oh, here's another good Churchill quote -

A sheep in sheep's clothing.

(describing Attlee)

[Sheepy]

The one in my neck from laughter. But then Churchill did have one of the best senses of humour.

I'll let you know when I'm done laughing at you.

Well we already know you think everybody is shit who doesn't bend to your will and that you think all old scrotes are c^^ts and Biden should be locked up for insanity or at the very least for being old, plus a few other things. While you are dealing with all the shits around you.

[Borg Refinery]

The one in my neck from laughter. But then Churchill did have one of the best senses of humour.

I'll let you know when I'm done laughing at you.

[Sheepy]

You have one of the very best negotiators and diplomats in the business on his way, I wouldn't abuse him, he is very good at what he does. 

[Sheepy]

You are going to need to push harder if you're going to be respected for the **** that you are. 

I guess we touched a nerve then. My young friend.

[Borg Refinery]

Churchill was in the lavatory in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said: Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak to you. After a pause Churchill replied: Tell His Lordship: I'm sealed on The Privy and can only deal with one shit at a time

[Borg Refinery]

You use your semi colon everytime you open your mouth.  ..No one pushes as hard as you do.

Btw a comma isn't a semi colon. Even that little something you knew turnt out to be nothing. 

[Sheepy]

Feck off Sheep you old scrote, what would you know, you cannot even use a semi-colon, maybe so maybe not, but as it has already happened and is being pushed even harder, I guess I might know a little something.

[Sheepy]

That would be an absolute must read for any liberal unionist...they wouldn't survive the first paragraph     

Yeah right, you would be saving fluffy bunnies and buying Chinese green before you knew it had even happened.