Defund the police...

[Streetwalker]

What with you being a Saff London lad,.it's probably a sawn off too 

Is there any other type ?   

Being half serious though  and with the lack of  plod in these parts or at least the lack of plod on the beat its quite obvious that our own day to day safety and security is down to us .

[Sampanviking]

Well, obviously, we need to defund the old bill and replace them with something nicer....like...jam doughnuts...or....or....an extra bank holiday maybe?


Here are some suggestions....or add your own....or don't....or feck off...


1) Albert Tatlock
2) Red Rum
3) Liquorice all-sorts
4) Ever so nice people who don't shout
5) Patman Post
6) Bob the builder
7) Mother Theresa
Voluntary crime reports
9) Cardboard policemen like they have outside Pound shops
10) Social workers

Esther Rantzen - she certainly knows how to listen - unless its Bernard Manning talking...

[DeppityDawg]

12 Purdey

What with you being a Saff London lad,.it's probably a sawn off too 

[Streetwalker]

What we need is people like Jeff  , he is on the committee down the club . Seeing as he's always in there anyway they gave him the job as temperature checker during the all too brief opening of the bars last summer .

He would sit there at  the end of the bar an capture you as you entered , take your temp with what looked like a taser say yep your fine and on you go to your table .
What makes me volunteer his services to law and order was when he lost his taser  , he said somewhere between the bar stool and the bogs though its been reported he was spotted having a go on the fruit machine (which he strenuously denies ) .
Anyway he lost it or someone hid it or maybe its got something to do with the snooker table being level for the first time in 30 years , its a mystery .

So what with the club being a bit short of readies our Jeff has adapted a new system of checking peoples health and well being at the door and their fitness to be able to neck 6 pints and a couple of  VAT's . He has got used to the authority and has put a makeshift barrier (two tables and 6 beer crates ) around his barstool at the end of the bar , On entry you now get greeted with Good morning /evening what are you having  before writing down the order and passing it to Jackie the barmaid who is already half way through the order she heard you tell Jeff .

Someone has had an accident and blocked up trap one and we are looking for someone who wears red Calvin Klein boxers . After denials from all Jeff comes up with a cunning plan worthy of Columbo

''Everyone up against the wall and drop em , Im going to get to the bottom of this ''

Top man our Jeff , he always gets his man .

[johnofgwent]

9) Cardboard policemen like they have outside Pound shops

Round here the cardboard policemen are kept very much inside the shop doorway. Too many left in the street were nicked.


EDIT: as were some of the ones used in places like this. The newspaper article reveals eight of these cardboard cutouts were paid for - at £100 a pop - by Essex Plod and deployed to garages in hope of deterring fuel theft.


The trial was abandoned because the fuel thefts continued and some of the cutouts were nicked too.

[Thomas]

It would seem that heroism is off the cards:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9474635/Battered-face-Mexican-American-woman-70-attacked-racist-thought-Asian-American.html

Apparently, no one intervened.  Maybe they thought it would be racist to do so?

Racist black woman attacks frail elderly old mexican woman cause she thought she was asian?

Well , who`d have thought it.?

I thought black people were horribly oppressed and extremely timid , needing the arm of governments across the world to prop them up and lift them out the gutter of slavery where whitey has kept them.

Imagine my surprise at this story , which goes against the liberal narrative and shows that blacks are just as good and bad as whites , asians , hispanics etc.?

[B-4]

It would seem that heroism is off the cards:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9474635/Battered-face-Mexican-American-woman-70-attacked-racist-thought-Asian-American.html

Apparently, no one intervened.  Maybe they thought it would be racist to do so?

[DeppityDawg]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2583323/Man-23-fined-90-attacking-cardboard-POLICEMAN-petrol-station-forecourt.html

Man fined £90 for criminal damage after attacking a cardboard POLICEMAN in petrol station forecourt

Dang!! Well that won't work then....and PatmanPost has complained that the Snow White Doves are all racist shits with tattoos and shaved heads...now what...?

This is going to be more difficult than I thought....

[cromwell]

....wait....lve got it..... snow white doves!!!!.....

Well you've got something,is it curable though?

Anyway who on here is suggesting we defund the police?.......that'll be no one then

[DeppityDawg]

....wait....lve got it..... snow white doves!!!!.....

[cromwell]

12 Purdey

13 A nazi.....shouldn't you be whitewashing the fuhrer bunker?.......No not you SW..... Sgt Major Shutup.

[Streetwalker]

12 Purdey

[Barry]

11, A blue Smurf called Lankou.

[DeppityDawg]

Well, obviously, we need to defund the old bill and replace them with something nicer....like...jam doughnuts...or....or....an extra bank holiday maybe?


Here are some suggestions....or add your own....or don't....or feck off...


1) Albert Tatlock
2) Red Rum
3) Liquorice all-sorts
4) Ever so nice people who don't shout
5) Patman Post
6) Bob the builder
7) Mother Theresa
Voluntary crime reports
9) Cardboard policemen like they have outside Pound shops
10) Social workers