Boris Johnson goes to heaven

[Borchester]

meets St Peter at the pearly gates and notices a lot of clocks on the wall.

"What are they?" he asks.

"Each clock is for a person and whenever they lie, it moves forward one minute."

"Oh. So whose clock is this?"

"That's Mother Theresa's - it's never moved."

"Oh, so whose is this?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's - it's only moved twice.

"So where is mine?" Asks Boris

"We're using that as a ceiling fan."