Now that’s what you can call a pita

[papasmurf]

 Until that moment I did not realise how dark medical humour was, 

I am married to a retired nurse and still know current and retired nurses. The number of people who are famous who have rocked up at casualty departments with objects stuck in orifices is legendary but not for the public domain.

[Borchester]

Years ago I ended up in hospital with something called transverse myelitis, which as the medical wallahs here will know is medic talk for a bad back.

It was possibly not the best time to be sick. Until then you could be lying on your death bed and the doctors would still tell you that you were going to live forever and generally lie cheerfully through their teeth. But there had just been a case where someone had sued the medics for telling a few harmless porkies so the buggers decided to tell the truth.

So there I was, paralysed from the waist down and Doctor Glum pitched up and said that I had

(a) a one chance in three of some sort of recovery

(b) a one chance in three of being a basket case

(c) a one chance in three of being dead

Doctor Good Cheer had clearly taken the day off.

Anyway, I was not a happy camper and possibly I let that be known, because suddenly I had relays of nurses coming in with attempts to cheer me up.

Mostly with tales of chaps who had stuck various things up their bottoms and had come into hospital to have them removed. Until that moment I did not realise how dark medical humour was, but I still treasure the memory of three nurses howling with laughter about the story of the chap who had inserted a vibrator in himself and...

Quite perked me up and aided greatly in my recovery.

[Barry]

I wonder if it is a cure for constipation. A bit extreme, I'd look at some senna tablets first, (orally). 

[johnofgwent]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11562045/French-man-sparks-hospital-evacuation-arriving-WWI-artillery-shell-stuck-rectum.html

I did wonder if it had been there a while.

Rule 1 of the ER (or Casualty Arrivals as it was known when I wore a lab coat)
NOTHiNG and I mean NOTHING falls up your arse 'accidentally' 

Yes it is possible you might have been impaled by a fall or similar but if the staff are writing down your account and keeping a straight face it is solely because they are very, very good at it and they keep their finest at holding a straight face for these very situations because the other 98% of the workforce are hiding in the staff tea room trying desperately not to die laughing and have been since your condition was relayed to them from the ambulance bringing you in ...

what do you mean you walked here with an eight pound artillery shell half way up your arse .... 

[Barry]

[cromwell]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11562045/French-man-sparks-hospital-evacuation-arriving-WWI-artillery-shell-stuck-rectum.html