If you could have a word in gods ear

[Borchester]

I have always thought they were pretty comprehensive as they were written.







I would be inclined to point out that the journey from the Red Sea to Israel should have taken 40 days, not years. So my response to Commandment 1 would have been thanks God, but guide wise you pretty much suck. We have had a whip round and the next time we pass Argos we will buy you a decent satnav. But let us not have any more crap about us kissing your backside for all eternity.

2   "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments

.



So no art or high church, just a spiteful sod who equates Godliness with dreariness.

3   "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

Yeah, yeah. Christ God, you really are a petty minded bugger aren't you?

4   "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

Sounds good to me. The trouble is that herself has a to do list that is the length of the King James Version. Maybe we could meet in the middle? I will take Sunday day off and You can pop round and hang the new radiators in the front room

5   "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

Good luck with that one. Didn't You have your boy crucified?

6   "You shall not murder.

To be honest God, you really don't need to point that out

7   "You shall not commit adultery.

Good point, but once again, do you really need to point that out?

8   "You shall not steal.

9   "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

As above

10   "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's."

You aren't married are you God? The womenfolk spent most of their lives coveting their neighbours' goods



Overall God is not a bad lad, but a bit immature

[T00ts]

At different times in the Old Testament, God commands infanticide, rape and slavery.  But He put His holy feet up on the seventh day, so that's all right then.

Quotes please. Taken out of context it is meaningless.

[Paulus de B]

At different times in the Old Testament, God commands infanticide, rape and slavery.  But He put His holy feet up on the seventh day, so that's all right then.

[T00ts]

I have always thought they were pretty comprehensive as they were written.

[cromwell]

And could amend the Ten Commandments what would you say,

 

Well you shall not hate or judge others because you don't approve of their lifestyle might be a good start.